Reviewing holiday coffees isn't societally helpful, but it does keep me from committing public indecencies.
Merchant: Harry & David
Item: Whole-bean coffee
Other: Gingerbread flavor
Rating: two stars
About three weeks ago (so definitely after the Christmas season), I found this coffee on the clearance shelf. I had Moose Munch years ago (offputting name, good coffee) and so thought: well, hey. Coffee, on clearance, from the folks who created this other flavored coffee that I like. I got a pound and brought it home, expecting something fairly good since I dislike $tarbuck$ on principle yet am their devoted acolyte during gingerbread latte season.
This coffee…is not good. It is very not good. It isn’t completely wretched, but I would not easily class it as coffee, and definitely won’t be finishing the pound I bought. This stuff just barely trumps coffee in cans, and I suspect that it does so only because of my strong prejudice against Yuban/MJB/et al as a beverage.1
The aroma of the beans was promising: slightly bitter with an underlying sweetness, not very strong, but then again I wasn’t hoping for Italian roast. The beans themselves were a nice, dark, rich, encouraging color for its non-sale price range — darker than some of the higher-end coffees that cost under $15 a pound. Since those tasted between nice and wonderful, I was expecting something of that general quality.
When I made the first pot, I was fairly sure that I’d made it too weak. I hadn’t used nearly enough grounds, or misremembered how much I’d used and added too much water. I drank that first pot, vowing to make the next pot stronger. I made the second pot just this morning. I had to add cinnamon and whipped cream to the coffee. Not to the grounds, but to the cup of coffee itself. The coffee was that…utterly lacking in strength or fortitude. I do not put things directly into brewed coffee, unless it’s a dessert coffee and I’m adding bitter chocolate. This stuff, however, required additives. (Those of you who know me at all know that this is as close to admitted heresy as I get.)
To start off, the coffee smelled most strongly of nutmeg. Nutmeg is a nice thing to add to coffee grounds, and it can give coffees an extra kick; but it shouldn’t be overused. This was overused. Nutmeg was the strongest flavor. Actually, nutmeg was pretty much also the only flavor.
The overall brew is weak. I don’t know if it was the roasting process, or because this particular bag of beans had been on the shelf for too long; but whatever the cause, this coffee did not produce a strong brew. Even at a 3:2 ratio of coffee grounds to water, the results are too clear. Aside from the nutmeg, which is fairly strong, the coffee was flavorless. I was drinking hot, colored water (which is what Europeans think of American coffees anyway, so perhaps that was apropos.) I added as much cinnamon to one cup as I normally add to an entire brew basket, then added whipping cream so that there would be some flavor to this…stuff.
...I wonder if the plant on my patio would bloom more brilliantly if I fed it this stuff..?2
It isn’t a civilized drink, but it too has its use: room freshener. Get a can of coffee (just about any brand will do, but if you know which one smells better to you, get that). Scatter the dry grounds on your carpet. Leave for at least 30 minutes, vacuum, et voila.
Rose plants are fond of the acidity in coffee grounds. Dump some of your used grounds on your rose plants and come spring you’ll see some amazing colors.
Keywords: | food | coffee |
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