Situation Sunday #5

May 07, 2007

Situation Sunday 06 May 2007

1. You work in a busy doctor's office. You are a receptionist. You have overheard the doctor telling this guy he has caught a venereal disease. And it is untreatable. You recognize the guy as a neighbor. Deep down you know the guy will never mention it to his wife. Do you bring up the subject with his wife as you are talking?
   This is a sticky one. If it's someone I know only casually (and for me, that defines most of my neighbors — I barely know their names, and I'm fine with that, I'm not incredibly social), I may drop a pamphlet in their mailbox or near their door that lists common information about the venereal disease in question. I will not go over to their place specifically to say anything. And since I don't chat with my neighbors very much (since I rarely see them, actually) there won't be other opportunities to pass on the news. Besides, if the guy has a venereal disease and he's not going to tell his partner, that relationship has a whole lot more problems than I'm able to fix. (So maybe I'll drop off my aunt's card, as well as the pamphlet on STDs. My aunt is a marriage and family therapist.)
2. Your going on a first date, the guy/girl picks a very inexpensive place to eat. During the whole date, they tell you how they have been divorced twice, filed bankruptcy last month. Every thing is negative, you can't wait to get the hell out of there and go home. The bill arrives and they pay for it, and leave no tip. The next day flowers arrive for you, followed by numerous phone calls stating what a great time they had. Wondering when you want to go out again. How do you handle it?
   Upon initial reading, that tale speaks of a needy person to me. Then again, everyone has a bad day — and that's what this person could have been having. I may go on a second date with this person, but I'd probably suggest that we meet in a group of friends. That would lessen the social and financial pressure for all parties. If my 'date' chose to be gracious and pay for my coffee, that would be fine - but this meeting in a group of friends would essentially give me a chance to see this person interact with others. This could also give me a good way to not be the sole focus of conversation. (Depending on how many times this person called me, though, I might warn my friends not to give out their contact information.) If this second meeting did not go well, I'd contact them afterwards and politely tell them that while I may have enjoyed hanging out with them and their friends, I didn't really feel like there was any closer connection between us. (Unless, of course, the guy was an utter doof. Then I'd skip the part about how I enjoyed hanging out with him and his friends, and just say that I didn't really feel like we hit it off too well, and that I wished him better luck finding someone special. If they called me back after that, I'd request that we not keep in touch. If they kept calling me back, I'd warn them that I felt like I was being harassed. If they still kept calling, I might start taking other actions...like blocking them from calling my number.)
3. Your mother is on her death bed, she calls you in. She tells you that your real father is the mailman, he does not know nor does your father, as she starts to tell you more details, she dies. How do you handle what she has told you, and what do you do if anything?
   At this point, this new guy is only my biological male parent. The man who raised me, the man who carried me on his shoulders, the man who took me to Star Wars when my mother flat-out refused...that's my dad, in every important sense. The person who contributed the spermatazoa? I just found out about him. I'd speak with him, telling him that I wanted to get a family health history, to make sure I didn't have any health-related timebombs lurking in my genetic code that would jump out and schmack me later in my life; and if he wanted to keep in contact I wouldn't necessarily forbid it; but I wouldn't consider him my father.

Keywords: | Sunday | memes |
Permalink

The amazing adventures of the incredibly naive and lucky (...that would be me...)

May 02, 2007

Iteration 05/02/2007: Camping out

Starting when I was about five years old, my family went camping at least once a year. We mostly stayed in our 'neck of the woods', and didn't do ginormous road trips - so I've never camped in Yellowstone, even though I hear it's gorgeous.

1. My first camping trip was to the southwestern desert. Another family had invited us (two small kids and their parents) to share their RV with them...in a camping trip in the desert. My most vivid memories from this trip are the arguments about who had to sleep at the back of the bunk bed; and the incredible sight of the nighttime desert sky. I was a city kid, so I didn't realize that there were that many stars.
2. Shortly after that, my father bought a Coleman popup tent-camper. (Mom flat out refused to sleep on the ground, and wanted a regular potty. Well...less irregular than a pit toilet, at any rate.) It had a queen popout bed, a twin popout bed, and another twin bed (cushions laid over the dining table.)
3. Every year after that, we went to the same camping area. I learned to recognize "our spot". We went there at least once every year until we moved to the west coast - sometimes by ourselves, sometimes in a group with our next-door neighbors and their kids.
4. One summer we went on a guided nature hike. We ate dried strawberries when we got to the ridge. On the way back, it began to rain...hard. The littlest kids (me, my brother, the neighbor girl) were draped in trash bags (makeshift rain coats) and carried by our parents.
5. Another year, a girl from my softball team and her family were camping at the same spot. The two of us ran all over, looking for horned toads. We found one, it ran, and we started chasing it. K stepped on a stick...just as the horned toad was on the other end. The toad flipped up into the air (probably only about a foot). When it came down, it faced us and hissed. We both freaked out.
6. Once, as we returned to our campsite, I opened the car door to hear a hissing, rattling sound. I looked behind me about four feet and said, "Mom, there's a rattlesnake." "Oh," she said, "you're just hearing the wind blowing the leaves along the road." "Nuh-uh," I said, "it's a snake." (It was. A rather surprised, displeased diamondback.) Mom freaked out, threw me back into the car, and freaked out some more. We drove off to go find the ranger who said, "That snake's more scared of you than you are of him. If you go back now, he'll probably be gone." This did not impress Mom, a dyed-in-the-wool city kid herself...but sure enough, when we drove back, the snake was gone.
7. Two nights later, guess who made a repeat appearance? Yep. Mister Diamondback. (Actually, it could have been a different one.) Mom was crocheting in front of the campfire and my sib and I were under one of the pop-out arms of the camper when Mom suddenly shrieked. We looked...and there, on the other side of the fire from Mom, was a snake - reared up and looking like it was poised to strike. (Keep in mind - if the snake had a thought bubble, it probably would have said the same thing as my mom's: "Oh, *^?#$%*&!!!eleven111") Once again, Mom put us kids in the car (Dad stayed behind - don't ask me why, exactly) and we drove off to find the ranger again. By the time the ranger came back to our campspot, Dad had used a shovel to decapitate the rattler.
8. Once, on our way to a camping trip in the desert, Dad suddenly stopped the car. A huge lizard was sitting half-on, half-off the road — just basking unconcernedly away. I was about six years old, and SEVERELY into the dinosaur phase...and this lizard was about 3/4 as large as I was. Of course I thought this was a dinosaur, and was thrilled. Mom had my sib and I go stand in front of the 'dinosaur' and pose for photos. When we got home, we saw a newspaper article about gila monsters. The 'dinosaur' had been a very large, very poisonous gila monster. Apparently, it had recently eaten...recently enough that when a pair of potential hors d'oevres walked up close and turned their backs, the lizard just sat and looked appropriately dinosaur-like. We didn't try to touch it, I don't think we got closer than three feet...but for a lizard that can move fast when it wants to, that's plenty close. (I'm still somewhat amazed that my sib and I didn't end up dead.)
9. When we moved to the coast, we found some good campsites by the ocean. We quickly figured out where the better spots were, and asked for those whenever we came. (Sometimes we got them, sometimes they were already taken.)
10. Once we went camping...at Yosemite...in December. No, we did not stay at the Ahwanee. We stayed in a little cottage, out in the woods. Two twin beds in the "front" room, and a master suite — okay, let's be realistic, a room with a king bed — and it rained. A lot. It was Very. Cold. (And being Yosemite, those cottages probably cost an outrageous amount of money.)
11. I remember making s'mores on camping trips, but I dislike marshmallows. I usually just ate the Hershey's slab-o-wax. (Hershey's markets these slabs-o-wax as 'chocolate bars'...but don't be fooled. It's like instant coffee: okay when you're desperate, but otherwise unacceptable.)
12. My family has camped in the Grand Canyon, Yosemite, and Lake Tahoe. (Many other places; but most people will recognize the names of those locations. How many of you know Organ Pipe National Park? Yeah. Didn't think so. Besides, I don't know how to spell some of the names.)

Keywords: | Wednesday | memories | memes | family |
(2) Comments • Permalink

A new meme

Apr 22, 2007

Situation Sunday 22 April 2007

I just found this new meme (this is its third week), and I think I'll enjoy this one. It isn't freeform, like Iterations, which I enjoy because it lets me pull inspiration from just about anywhere; but the questions encourage longer answers, so I get to think about my own responses and (hopefully) read some good, thought-provoking answers on other participants' sites. If nothing else, it reminds me to periodically re-examine my own viewpoints.

1. You are either married or been with someone a long time. Life is good. Not great, but good. You meet someone that you have a great connection to. You feel strong that this is your real “Soul Mate”. What do you do? If things are good with my current partner, this new person may turn out to be a friend...but how do I know if they're really going to be that much better a partner? I don't...so I'm not all too inclined to leave CP for NP. And I'm very unwilling to try and start 'something on the side' with NP. (I'm going to assume that CP and I are in a monogamous relationship. I know people who are poly, and who are both very happy; but that's not me.)
   
   There's something else to consider: I don't believe that a soul mate has to be one's sexual or life partner. It could be that friend you rarely see, but it takes you guys all of five seconds to get back in sync when you do meet again. It could be someone you see every day who knows you almost better than you know yourself...and you sometimes function as the other half of their brain. It could be the person you're interested in sexually, as well — but it just as equally could be someone with whom you have no sexual chemistry whatsoever.
2. You have inherited a large amount of money from a distant family member that you never even knew. You are the only one to get all of their fortune. They had children but do to a falling out they left them nothing. What do you do? In a perfect situation, I'd be able to tell which of the surviving children would benefit most from some of their parents' inheritance, and I'd offer to split it with them 30% to me, 70% to them (after all inheritance taxes had been paid). Since real life seldom works out quite that neatly, I'd pay any applicable taxes, then divide what was left equally between me and the children. I am not going to spend lots of time trying to figure out which children are single, married, have or do not have dependents...that's a huge drain on my time. I'm also not altruistic enough to completely pass on money that comes my way. I've had a fairly good life, I've done relatively well for myself, but money is a damn useful tool. (If the amount was less than $1000, I'd find some way to pass it completely over to the kids. If the amount was over...oh...one million after taxes, I'd keep no more than $100,000 for myself and pass the rest back to the kids. Money's a useful tool, but there's no reason to be absurdly greedy, even in cases of a windfall.)
3. Erase all sexual harassment, and legal laws protecting you. Could you, would you, have you slept your way to to the top? I haven't, and don't care to do so. I'm most comfortable with monogamy, and don't care to give others any kind of ammunition to use against me: loose morals, bad or indifferent sexual partner, et al — I doubt that I could convincingly act interested in casual sex, and unless the 'ladder rungs' were utterly oblivious, they'd notice...and would probably resent me for it, and thus the mechanism that would get me in to power would be used to get me out of power.
   
   Also, once I was “at the top”, I'd still have to deal with all the corporate bullshit. Nope, someone else can have it. (Seriously - you couldn't pay me enough to be a corporate VP. Wa-a-ay too much internal politicking for this Aspergers-gal to handle.)

Keywords: | Sunday | sex | relationships | memes | family |
Permalink

Everything in moderation. (Including moderation.)

Apr 02, 2007

Tagged by Rashenbo over at Writing Aspirations, with a meme started by Lillie at A Writer’s Words, an Editor’s Eye: To participate, write a post about balance in life and link back to this post. Answer any or all of the following questions or simply share your thoughts about life balance.

I balance a hosting/development/consultation business, contract gigs, volunteer work, writing, dancing, walking, playing with my cats, visiting my friends, and all the other joy that is life (housework, laundry, eating, sleeping). I’m constantly adjusting my balance. I’ll always be adjusting things to stay in balance.

How do you achieve balance in your life? I know what I want, I know why I want it, and I know what I’ll do to get it. I try to be conscious of cause and effect, and the cost of any action or inaction - even seemingly little things. When I initially wrote the sentence in the paragraph above, I ended the sentence after the first two items. I’m much more than what I do to earn money, though. I think; I’m a philosopher. I read and learn; I’m a researcher. I explain things that I’ve learned; I’m a teacher. I tell jokes. I color. I read (a lot. A lot a lot.) I’m a mom to three cats. Yet for whatever reasons, so many people in our culture only define themselves in terms of what they do for money, or how they spend the majority of their time. We’re all so much more than that. So why is it so easy for us to fall into the trap of thinking that we’re either useless outside of the narrow definition of our current job, or the trap of thinking that we’re the most important being in the world and we’re somehow owed something? Why is it so easy for people to believe that one of those statements is true, or the other is?

Both are equally true, at the same time...and all the time. In the grand scheme of things, we are all utterly interchangeable. Up close and personal, though, we are all utterly irreplaceable. (Whoooooaa.)

What is your biggest challenge in balancing your life? The same as everyone else: getting tangled in the extremes. I do this every once in a while. I’ll either get into a comfort zone and stay there overlong; or I’ll try and implement every single idea I’ve got...all at once. Either of these states is fine for about two or three months. Then I either get bored of the comfort zone, or start to run out of steam and can’t follow through with everything. Like everyone else, I swing into and out of balance. I have to self-correct on a fairly regular basis. As much as I’d love to say that at least the extreme ends of the pendulum’s swing are always getting less extreme, that isn’t the case.

What are your priorities? Stay healthy. Stay happy. Help others stay that way. Lather, rinse, repeat. When I’m healthy, I’m able to do things better, learn things better, teach things better. I’m not concentrating on how my back hurts, or how I feel like I’m falling over when I stand up, or how I’m keeping my eyes open only by main force. My body is a complex machine, and when that machine works well, it doesn’t require any of my conscious attention. When I’m happy, I work better with others. I’m more helpful, more supportive, more patient. When I’m less worried about meeting my basic needs, I’m more able to help others

How have your priorities changed over time and why? When I was eleven or twelve, I envisioned that I’d live in an RV towing my horse trailer. My idea was to avoid paying property tax (something I still can’t quite understand, and thus am not all that eager to begin paying) and be able to go where I wanted, pretty much when I wanted. The living-in-an-RV hasn’t happened...and I haven’t seriously wanted that kind of lifestyle since age 17 (when I realized just how extremely unhappy a horse would be confined to a trailer, and when I realized that I’d need more space for my books.) My health requires a bit more preplanning than I would have anticipated at age 12, before I began having seizures. For a brief time, I felt that if my employer had a major emergency, that was my emergency too. That changed when I worked myself into the hospital at age 23, working 70- and 80-hour work weeks because of my employer’s astoundingly bad planning. I now define my contracts as a deal for my skills and a portion of my time, in return for money. But just as I can’t expect a high amount of money for little effort on my part (or for skills that are not of use to said employer), no employer gets to imperil my health or emotional well-being...in other words, my balance. I can, quite legally, get money any number of ways, from any number of sources. My balance can’t be reset or restored by any purely external source. No amount of money can compensate for the destruction of that balance. I finally decided that, because I get very impatient with the exigencies of The Corporate World, I would be happiest if I were able to run my own business and financially support myself that way. I could combine my love of teaching, my love of learning, and my need to do things as efficiently and as effectively as possible. I’m not making enough money to support myself financially, and I have a difficult time marketing my services because I really dislike being “sold to” — hence the need for the contract gigs. By contracting, I avoid the office politics that I loathe; and I’m constantly learning new skills and new ways of doing things. I’m just lucky that I entered the workforce when I did (early 1990s) and where I did (Silicon Valley). The dot-com boom was virtually built on a highly flexible, highly creative, highly mobile gypsy workforce. I wouldn’t have had that option had I entered the workforce a few years earlier, and I would have had fewer choices if I was located in a different city.

What advice can you share to help all of us balance our own lives? Know yourself. Be honest about what you want and why you want it; and you’ll have fewer regrets. Act toward the world as you want the world to act toward you; and you’ll have fewer things that come snapping round to bite you in the backside. Realize that you can’t control the actions of those around you; but you can - and do - control how you’ll react to what happens to you. And if you’re not happy with yourself at the end of the day...maybe you’re slightly out of balance?

I’m supposed to tag five other people; but right now I’ve only got two. (My brain is threatening to shut down. It’s been a long day.) I tag Ealasaid’s Ego! Ego! Ego!, Wylie’s Words, The Screaming Pages, Pseudotherapy, and The Flatland Chronicles. (I’d tag my friend Apryl, whose family just moved from Appalachia to southern California just in time for the start of wildfire season; but she’ll be too busy with her fifty-eight-bajillion simultaneous projects. :D She also just became allergic to avocados...as in ‘anaphalactic shock’ allergic. Go give her some sympathy.)

Keywords: | philosophy | memes | life balance |
Permalink